Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You took a bar mat shot.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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