brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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