....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
