OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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