smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
