Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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