is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
