I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
