I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
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