so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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