Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
