I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
