i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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