2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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