he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
