I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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