.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
How does it feel to date your dad?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
