Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
