You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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