Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
