Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
you didnt know i had herpes?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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