im six kinds of drunk right now
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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