i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
