saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
