i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
