He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
