BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
