I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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