youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
