I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
