That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
