Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
