Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
