saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
