Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
