He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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