So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Randomize
