Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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