He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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