i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
