Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
