Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
