I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
