If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
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