when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
