Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
