We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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