I wannas sexs uuuuu
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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