I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
