Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
They have beer where we have blood.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
