: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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