You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
