I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Randomize
